It has been quite some time since I have stopped to write here.  So much to say, so here is a brief (somewhat) update.

In July, I took a day trip to Sedona with Emily and Rachel.  It was an amazingly spiritual trip and what I would consider the culmination of healing and growth.  I had come to a point where I needed my soul to be cleansed.  I then started my training to be an Academic Counselor at the University of Phoenix.  Training lasted six weeks, and it was incredibly intense.  During this time, I was blessed with some more amazing friendships.  One in particular, a truly amazing woman, and my long lost cousin, Lisa.  During this time, I unfortunately have had some major medical issues with my blood pressure.  Lisa and I initially bonded over a 6 hour trip to the emergency room.  From there, we became almost inseperable.  I am very grateful for all that she is, all that she gives to others, and her awesome humor.  Lisa and I are lucky enough to be on the same Academic Team.  She enhances every day at work, and makes most unbearable situations, much more tolerable.   She’s an amazing photographer.  Check out a sneak preview of our recent trip to the Mesa Art and Convention Center on my facebook page!!!

In other news, there have been a few interests in the “significant other” category, but none that have gone any farther than a possible interest.  Chris has moved back to Phoenix.  He got an amazing job offer that he couldn’t pass up.  I am so happy for him, he’s really made changes in his life as well, and seeing him has been really nice.

My grandma recently suffered her third stroke.   My dad flew out to Albuquerque to be with her, my grandpa, and the NM clan.  I made the 7 hour trip that following weekend.  While I was there, Grandma passed peacefully.  Dad drove back to Phoenix with me and spent a few days.  It was nice spending time with my pops…and we are all doing well.  Grandma is missed.  Some of my favorite memories are of the times we spent together taking walks, sitting on the screened porch, learning to tie my shoes, and earning a quarter every time she called me by the wrong last name.   Love  ya Gran!

All is going well, and I am looking forward to my trip home in less than two weeks!!!  More to come later…

I got the chance to get out of town the other night.  Went with a friend out to a lake in the middle of nowhere…yes, there is a lake in the middle of nowhere here in Phoenix.  Actually we were outside of Phoenix, but it was close enough and far enough away at the same time.  The moon was almost full, it was overcast and raining.  We sat on the end of the dock, watching the moon fight to break though the clouds, and feeling the intermittent raindrops.  A fish would splash in the water every once in awhile, and it was absolutely heaven.  We filled four hours of conversation, and in no time, we had to head back to the city.   I think I’m going to have to go back soon.

In other news, the trip home in October is currently being planned.  Also a trip to Vegas is in the works for November.

The tattoo, the hair change, were both a way of feeling.  I didn’t realize how numb I had become to what actually I have been going through.   After he left, there was such a release that it was refreshing to just have “me” time.  I started surrounding myself with anything I could.   I rearranged, I decorated differently, cleaned out closet, purged my apartment of junk, surrounded myself with friends to go see and things to do.   Now don’t get me wrong…this was sooo very needed and helpful.  However, I kept denying and burying the grief that I needed to feel about the loss of the relationship.  Eventually (this past week) I couldn’t handle it anymore.   I didn’t realize it all until I was doing an exercise that I have been working on with my Life Coach.

I was sitting on my patio, enjoying the evening Sunday.  I was listening to music, and writing myself a letter.  This night turned into 3 + hours of sobbing.  I finally seemed to let it all go…it all pour out of me.  I was completely exhausted and didn’t have much energy to reflect on it.  This week has been completely different than the rest, and it’s starting to feel like a new beginning.

Thursday was my last day at my old job and the new one starts Tuesday.  So today I enjoyed a “me” day.  This one was much different than the others.  I got up when I wanted to, went to the bank, Ross, and Walmart.  Then I went to Gifts and Graces.  Here are today’s realizations:

–I DO love who I am.  I love so much about the essence of what actually makes me “me”.

–I think I don’t, when in all reality, I am afraid and always have been, that others won’t.

–Once I deal with this main issue, I believe that it will all fall into place.

–I need to relax and let go of my fears.

Sooooo…on an ending note, I am at such peace about everything right now…and don’t ever want to let go of this feeling.  Headed to Sedona tomorrow…

New tattoo….fresh pic on Facebook.  Will post one here once it heals and looks all pretty!!  I absolutely love it and may even get it on my other shoulder as well.   The three large stars represent the journey I’ve taken through my past, in the present, and into the future…the four smaller stars represent loved ones I’d like to think are looking over me and the memories unique to each one that I take with me on this journey.

Went dark with my hair again…i always love it dark.  Not sure why I always start to highlight it until it almost all becomes blond.  Haircut next Saturday…just a little shorter in the back…it grows so damn fast.

Chris is coming out in July to get Cody…mixed emotions here.

Missing my family…excited for October to get here!!!  WV here I come.  Which reminds me…How the hell did it become July already??  Aunt Sara is coming in soon, and we are going to spend the weekend at Scottsdale Resort and Spa!!!  It is much needed.  I’m not a spa kinda girl, it’s been over 5 years since I’ve had a professional mani/pedi or massage, I color my own hair…the only thing I pay for is a haircut…but I am in serious need of a massage.

-Start my new job as an Academic Counselor at the University of Phoenix, July 6th.

-Start my Master’s in Family and Marriage Counseling in October.

-Moving into a new apartment (still looking) with Em, my new roomie!!

That’s all for now folks!!!  xoxo

Congratulations and Good Luck!!!  You will make the best Field Commander EVER!!!  well….second best.  J/K… I know  you will do fantastic.  I am really proud of you and I can’t wait until this fall when I get to come home and see you in action.

Friday I went to my old high school and watched my seniors graduate and my 8th graders get promoted.  Who would have known those kids clean  up so well?  It was bittersweet, and nice to see a lot of old co-workers, who for the past three years, have been my Phoenix family.  It was also nice that I got so many compliments on how much I have changed and the “you look soooo good” comments.

Yesterday I spent the day by the pool (mostly in the pool because it was so hot) and yesterday evening I went to Emily’s for dinner and movies.  I have been trying out new foods and trying to eat/like to eat healthier foods.  My parents were not big on making different foods when I was growing up.  Since meeting Emily and the crew at work, I have tried: guacamole, hummus, taziki sauce, lamb, and a few other items that I just can’t recall at the moment.  Last night, Emily cooked for me and I will have to say it was amazing!!  The Menu: Turkey, baked butternut squash and sweet potatoes, and a salad with walnuts, cranberries, green onions, and goat cheese.  And I loved every bit of it. Sorry I slept through the movie, Em!!!  But thanks for the wonderful dinner!

So today while shopping for groceries this week, I got all the ingredients to replicate the salad.  It’s what I had for dinner, and I also made a salad to take to work tomorrow.  I am loving these little changes I am making for myself!!!!

In my personal journey so far, I have found that this is much easier said than done…it takes a lot of effort to choose which pieces to pick up and which ones to leave behind.  There is a lot of sorting to do…we put pieces here, some there, some are packed in storage boxes, some left behind in distant places we’ve lived, and some just seem lost forever.

I’ve been hesitant about opening up here, but I’m beginning to move beyond that all now…the past few weeks have been filled with laughter, tears, disappointment, fear, obsession, anger, and an eclectic assortment of many other emotions and thoughts.   A little self-pity, jealousy, exhaustion, and doubt…I’ve been comparing my life to the lives of those I’ve grown up with only to feel less than adequate…but that was short-lived.  I’m now focusing on the positive things that I have going for me.  Even though realizing that all of my dreams growing up are far from coming true at this moment, I know that they are still dreams, although some are forever altered due to life’s experiences and the whole “growing up thing” in general.

I’ve been connecting with new friends.  True, genuine, amazingly talented and smart people who bring wonderful things to my life.  I’ve been a busy bee…so busy that I was looking forward to this quiet weekend with desperation.  However, now that it is here, I realize I don’t make the best company for myself.  I’ve filled my evenings with favorite TV shows, even got some books from the library.  I have two dogs (another story to tell) to keep me occupied, and endless pile of scrap-booking to do, and I have the apartment cleaning to catch up on.   I have a city full of things to do, a workout video calling my name as I eat Ben and Jerry, (Cherry Garcia), two new movies and an endless supply of watch instantly movies via Netflix, and I still have trouble finding something I want to do.

So, what am I doing on a Friday night in one of the best cities???  I am sitting on my balcony, drinking Newcastle, chilling with the pups, and self-reflection.   I am, however, on my last Newcastle, and so I am looking forward to my friend visiting who is most graciously picking up more beer. What could be better?  Hearing whippoorwills and crickets, listening to the small creek in front of my parents house, staring into a fire, and many other “West Virginia” things.   (Can you hear the hint of homesickness coming on?)

I have so much more to write about…so much more to share…I was feeling guilty not updating here.  However, tomorrow night calls for a favorite friend’s birthday party poolside and Sunday brings a lunch date with a childhood friend.

OH!!!  Please send my sister all your warmest thoughts and wishes!!!  She will soon try out for Field Commander of the Silver Knights Marching Band….and her big sister could never be prouder!!!!  Love you Bird!!!!

it’s been crazy, and hence my second apology, i’m not posting more than this right now.

i’m turning off my phone for the next few days so that i can finish sorting through all of this…and you can all expect some insight soon…i promise.  xoxo