a day like no other

Today I had a tremendous breakthrough in my life….it has been a process in the works for some time.

The tattoo, the hair change, were both a way of feeling.  I didn’t realize how numb I had become to what actually I have been going through.   After he left, there was such a release that it was refreshing to just have “me” time.  I started surrounding myself with anything I could.   I rearranged, I decorated differently, cleaned out closet, purged my apartment of junk, surrounded myself with friends to go see and things to do.   Now don’t get me wrong…this was sooo very needed and helpful.  However, I kept denying and burying the grief that I needed to feel about the loss of the relationship.  Eventually (this past week) I couldn’t handle it anymore.   I didn’t realize it all until I was doing an exercise that I have been working on with my Life Coach.

I was sitting on my patio, enjoying the evening Sunday.  I was listening to music, and writing myself a letter.  This night turned into 3 + hours of sobbing.  I finally seemed to let it all go…it all pour out of me.  I was completely exhausted and didn’t have much energy to reflect on it.  This week has been completely different than the rest, and it’s starting to feel like a new beginning.

Thursday was my last day at my old job and the new one starts Tuesday.  So today I enjoyed a “me” day.  This one was much different than the others.  I got up when I wanted to, went to the bank, Ross, and Walmart.  Then I went to Gifts and Graces.  Here are today’s realizations:

–I DO love who I am.  I love so much about the essence of what actually makes me “me”.

–I think I don’t, when in all reality, I am afraid and always have been, that others won’t.

–Once I deal with this main issue, I believe that it will all fall into place.

–I need to relax and let go of my fears.

Sooooo…on an ending note, I am at such peace about everything right now…and don’t ever want to let go of this feeling.  Headed to Sedona tomorrow…